What should I say when tragedy strikes someone I love?
We all know what it's like to get life-changing bad news. Maybe it's a phone call about a car accident, a devastating diagnosis, or a relationship falling apart. We hate hearing that someone we care about is hurting. And if we're honest, when bad things happen—especially to people who seem to be living right—we start asking hard questions about God.
The book of Job in the Bible tackles this head-on. It's the story of a good man who loses everything in a single day: his business, his health, his children. Everything except his life and his wife (and the Bible tells us she wasn't much comfort either, telling him to "curse God and die").
But here's what makes Job unique as a Bible book: it accurately records some really bad ideas about God. Yes, the Bible is true and trustworthy, but sometimes it records wrong words accurately—like when it quotes Satan, or in this case, when it records the flawed advice of Job's friends. At the end of the book, God actually shows up and says, "Hey, you guys were wrong and you need to repent for what you said."
When friends show up with answers
Imagine you're one of Job's friends. You hear what happened and you rush to be there for him. You get in the car to drive across town (or across the state) to visit your suffering friend. But as soon as you start driving, you begin to wonder: What am I supposed to say when I get there?
Job's three friends actually did the right thing at first. When they arrived and saw how bad things were, they sat with him in complete silence for seven days. No words. Just presence. (Though after about 30 minutes, it probably felt like the world's most awkward quiet game.)
Finally, Job breaks the silence and basically says he wishes he'd never been born. That's when his friend Zophar decides to speak up. And unfortunately, what comes out of his mouth is a masterclass in what not to say to someone who's suffering.
The danger of oversimplifying suffering
Zophar's speech in Job 11 essentially tells Job: "You actually got off easy. If God was being fair, you'd have it even worse. You must have done something to deserve this."
Imagine being Job—you've lost your kids, your livelihood, your health—and your friend shows up to tell you that you probably deserved worse than you got. Talk about kicking someone when they're down.
Now, Zophar could point to some true things. Romans 3:23 says we've all sinned. Matthew 5 records Jesus saying that even anger toward a brother makes us liable to judgment. If you've ever fought with a sibling (and who hasn't?), you've done worse than just being angry. So technically, yes—we all deserve consequences for our sin.
In theology, there's this concept called "total depravity." It means that none of us can have a relationship with God on our own. We're not "basically good people at our core." We're sinners by nature and choice, deserving of God's judgment.
But here's what Zophar missed: we live in a state of grace. When Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, God said they would die. And spiritually they did. But physically? God sent them out of the garden and promised to restore humanity. If life was actually fair by our standards, we'd all face immediate consequences. The fact that we don't shows God's grace.
The problem with karma
Zophar's mistake was thinking life works like karma: do something bad, get something bad in return. Do something good, get rewarded. But that's not how life works, and it's not how God works.
Matthew 5:45 says that God "makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." Every paycheck anyone has ever received came from God's provision, whether they acknowledge Him or not. Every breath we take is a gift, whether we realize it or not.
This creates some really uncomfortable questions: Why do some cancer patients go into remission while others don't? Why does a drunk driver walk away from an accident that kills an innocent child? Why do bad people sometimes seem to flourish while good people suffer?
God doesn't give us a simple formula. Zophar tried to oversimplify it by saying, "When bad things happen, it's because you're getting what you deserve." But God later corrects Zophar and basically says, "Dude, you're way oversimplifying things."
Life isn't fair, but God is just. That's the uncomfortable truth we have to sit with.
Zophar's second mistake: thinking he could judge
In Job 20, Zophar gets another chance to speak (after waiting nine more chapters). This time he goes on about how wicked people might have a good time, but it never lasts and they'll always get what they deserve in this life.
But is that true? Do people always get what they deserve in this life? We know they don't. People literally get away with murder. The justice system fails. Sometimes the wrong person goes to jail while the guilty go free.
What becomes clear in Zophar's second speech is that he's actually jealous of Job's former wealth. He sounds like someone who needs to remember Jesus' words in Luke 12: "One's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
Here's the trap we all fall into: We have our moment where we recognize our need for God. Maybe we even get baptized. We get down on our knees and say, "God, I need you. I can't do this without you." But a week later? We're tempted to look at someone else and think, "Yeah, I might need a Savior, but I don't need Him as bad as they do."
That's what Zophar was guilty of—comparing people, comparing sins, thinking he could determine who deserved what.
The real story behind the story
Here's what bothers people about Job: God allowed a man who did nothing wrong to suffer just to make a point about His character. That doesn't seem fair, does it?
But think about it this way: In Jesus, God allowed the only man who was ever truly sinless to suffer so that we could be united with Him. Job's story isn't a weird outlier in the Bible—it's actually a shadow of what was coming in Jesus.
Romans 3:23-26 gives us the full picture: "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified by his grace as a gift through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus." God sees all our sin. And His response? To come and die on the cross for us.
God doesn't stand apart from our suffering. He wrote Himself into the story of suffering and became the ultimate example of suffering on our behalf. John 3:16-17 reminds us that God loved the world so much He gave His only Son—not to condemn the world, but to save it.
So what do we do with this?
As we process this heavy topic, here are three questions worth sitting with:
Have I decided to follow Jesus? Have you accepted His payment for your sin that He made possible on the cross? If you've never done that, today could be the day. You deserve the consequences of your sin—we all do—but God loves you so much that He sent His Son to die in your place.
Has my sense of justice been transformed by experiencing God's grace? When we hear about suffering that doesn't make sense, can we fill in the gaps with trust in God's goodness rather than simple explanations? We have this need to explain things we'll never fully understand.
What's my response to suffering—whether it's in my life or someone else's? When friends show up to sit with us in our pain, they often can't fix what's broken. But God is there too, and He's the only one who can truly heal and restore. Sometimes the best thing we can do is be present without trying to have all the answers.
God doesn't promise to explain all our suffering, and He doesn't promise to prevent it completely. But that doesn't mean He doesn't care. Through Jesus, He proved just how much He cares—by entering into our suffering Himself.
