Why is it so hard to be kind to people who don't deserve it?
Kindness sounds simple. It might even sound a little boring — the kind of topic nobody objects to but nobody gets too excited about either. But when we look at what the Bible actually says about kindness, it turns out to be one of the most demanding things God asks of us. It pushes hard against our natural instincts, and it goes much deeper than just being polite.
At Neighborhood Church, we are continuing our summer series called Fruit of the Root, working through a list in Galatians 5 called the fruit of the Spirit. These are qualities God grows in people who surrender their lives to Jesus — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We have seen that patience is largely passive. It makes space. It waits. Kindness is different. Kindness moves toward people. It is active, intentional, and it almost always costs something.
Our natural starting point
Before we can understand what kindness is, we need to be honest about where we all start. In his letter to a young pastor named Titus, the apostle Paul describes the default human condition this way:
"We ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another." (Titus 3:3)
That is a hard description to sit with. But if we are honest, it is not hard to recognize. Conflict is part of living in a fallen world, and it flows from a common source: we want what we want, and so does everyone else. Left on our own, we use people to get things rather than using things to serve people. That is the default setting we are all born with.
Paul is not writing this to be discouraging. He is setting up a contrast, because the story does not end there.
A transformed life is a kind life
Paul continues:
"But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior." (Titus 3:4-6)
This is the turning point. God does not improve us slightly. He washes us and renews us — and he does it not because we earned it, but because of who he is. He poured out his Spirit on us richly. That word matters. This is not a minimal transaction. It is an extravagant gift from the only one who had every reason to withhold it.
Think about it this way: if anyone has grounds to be unkind to us, it is God. We take the gifts he gives and act as if we earned them. We use his patience as a license to keep doing what we know is wrong. And yet his response is not unkindness. It is an outpouring of grace
God sets the bar for kindness, and he set it high.
Kindness is active
Paul gives Titus a practical list of what kindness looks like in a real community:
"Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people." (Titus 3:1-2)
None of these are passive:
Being ready for good work means showing up before you are asked.
Speaking evil of no one means guarding your words even when someone has genuinely wronged you.
Avoiding quarreling is a choice made in the moment, again and again.
Showing courtesy toward all people means all people, not just the ones who make it easy.
Patience makes space. Kindness fills it. Kindness is being a refuge for someone in their storm, and it often costs more than time. It costs resources, energy, and the willingness to serve people who may not thank you for it.
Where is kindness the hardest for you? Is it with strangers, or with the people closest to you?
Kindness includes holding boundaries
Here is where this gets more complicated than a simple "be nice" message. Later in the same passage, Paul writes:
"As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned." (Titus 3:10-11)
Active kindness includes holding boundaries. These two things are not contradictory. They are in the same paragraph on purpose.
Being kind does not mean becoming a doormat. There are moments when the most loving thing we can do is say clearly: this is not working, and I am not willing to continue in it. Paul's instruction here gives us a practical pattern. Do not assume everyone who frustrates you is a lost cause. Give a warning. Give it again. And if nothing changes, step away — without demolishing the person on your way out.
Disassociation is not demolition. We do not need to build a public case against someone, recruit others to our side, or destroy a person's reputation in order to justify creating distance. We can simply say, "This does not seem to be going anywhere good, and I need to step back." That is not unkindness. That is wisdom, and it is within the same framework as speaking evil of no one.
Where do we need to establish or hold a boundary that we have been avoiding? And where have we built a wall of division that has become more about self-protection than genuine wisdom?
How we stay focused on God's kindness
The reason kindness is so difficult to sustain is that we lose sight of the source. Paul writes in Romans:
"Do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?" (Romans 2:4)
God's kindness toward us is not just background information. It is the engine. When we stay close to it, it reshapes how we see the people around us. When we drift from it, we default back to malice and envy faster than we expect.
Staying focused on God's kindness is a daily practice. We have to choose to do it on purpose. It means building habits that bring us back to his Word before the noise of the day takes over. It means gathering regularly with others who are trying to do the same thing. It means choosing, on any given day, to remember what he has already done.
God's unbelievable kindness reshapes our belief and makes us kind. That is not something we manufacture. It grows in us as we stay close to him.
If you are exploring faith and want to keep going, we would love to hear from you. Reach out through our website if you are local to Ocala. If you are somewhere else, we would encourage you to find a church community near you where you can keep asking questions and walking this out alongside others. Kindness, it turns out, is not a solo project.
Editor note: This blog summary was generated from a sermon transcript processed by AI and reviewed by a human editor. It is provided for convenience and engagement but may not fully reflect all of the original sermon emphases or explanation. The original writing and delivery of the sermon were done without the input of AI. Please refer to the full message and more importantly the Scripture for complete context and teaching.
